The Mess I'd Never Want to Clean Up

It was one year ago today that a very important event occured. Let me tell the story...

I just wasn't feeling myself the day before...had that "out of body" feeling. As I was getting ready for work, with 10 minutes before I had to leave the house, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I just knew there was no way I could actually be pregnant...I was still nursing Claira and my "gift from mother nature" had not resumed since having Claira...a waste of a test for sure. I did my business and went on my way chasing after Lillie and Claira to get them ready. A few minutes later I scooted past the sink where the cheap Dollar Tree test lay and took a double take...POSITIVE! What?!?! How...When...Oh my! Can you say "shocked"?

I walked downstairs to the laundry room where my half dressed husband was mid body into the dryer, looking for his socks. I said, "Honey, I need you to come upstairs." His response, and one that will stay with me forever was, "Whatever they (speaking of Lillie and Claira) have done, you clean it up!" All I could think of to say was, "This isn't a mess we can clean up." I started sobbing and somehow got the words out "I'm pregnant" as he look at me confused. He cracked the biggest grin and grabbed me in his arms. "How could he be happy?" I wondered. I was in total and utter shock...Claira was only 10 months old! I wasn't upset...maybe...still not sure. I just couldn't believe the words..."I'm pregnant"..."I'm pregnant"..."Oh God, I'm pregnant!" Lillie was wondering why Mommy was crying. Robert assured her that I was ok, and that she was going to have another brother or sister. Whoa! I kept telling Robert not to continue talking about the morning's big news...Lillie was becoming a "tell all" and I was NOT ready for anyone to know...at least until I had accepted it myself. There was no way I could get to work and be alright, but I went.

I didn't tell anyone at work what I had found out that morning...not even one of my best friends, Ashlee. I'm sure I walked around like a complete zombie...face puffy and swollen from sobbing on and off during the moments of privateness. I was becoming a mother again...for the third time in two and a half years! Luckily, my wonderful and supportive husband sent me messages all day confirming just how excited and blessed he was to be expecting again. What a guy! I needed a bit more time to be convinced that we would be ok (mentally, physically, financially) with three children under 3.

It took me a couple of weeks to accept that my new arrival would be coming. You know, once our doctor ordered an ultrasound and I saw that little heart beating on the screen...there was life inside me :) My dumbfoundedness (wow! long word!) turned into great joy and anticipation...along with a bit of "How in the world will we manage?!"

And here we are now, one year later and I couldn't even begin to explain the joy and love that Audrey has brought me already...in only a few short months. Audrey, baby girl, thank you for surprising me and giving me the gift of you...Mommy loves you! Robert, honey, thank you for giving me one of the three best gifts I've ever received...I love you too.