A Blog Sent for Heaven

Grandma,

It's been a year now since you left this Earth to be with our Heavenly Father. There's so much I need to talk to you about. Alot certainly has gone on in my world since you flew to Heaven. I have to tell you first, though, that I'm not mad you had to go, or even sad really. Most of all, I miss you terribly. I can't be mad or sad because your pain was so agonizing and I knew you wanted to be free. I'm so happy that you got released from agony and introduced to eternal life. I just wish that I still had you here to talk to, to hold me, to hold you. Your shoes cannot be filled...for so many reasons.

Over the years we had together you taught me so much. Not the "normal" things that one would expect. What grandma's really teach their grandkids the proper way to vacuum? Mine! I couldn't be more anal about making sure to go in both directions...ensuring the nap of the carpet gets flipped so that the dirt is all sucked up. From you I learned the meaning of "elbow grease". Turns out it isn't goopy stuff you rub on your elbows! Some of my fondest memories of us are when we would clean the old farm trailer of Dad's, or right before Uncle John came home for hospice care. I'm a bit embarassed that I enjoyed cleaning so much, but I'm over it because I was with you. I learned how to barter by going garage saleing during the early hours of the morning. Really, do you think there are that many youngsters that would have gotten up at 4 to be ready for early morning sales? The time never mattered to me...I enjoyed our quality time...oh, and all the special treats you'd buy me! Anytime I was with you, it was definitely a treat.

I'll never forget how much we both enjoyed to eat. Oh Lord, how we could clean a whole pan of chocolate cake in an evening. Or how about the many pints of ice cream we would eat? We sure could devour the sweets, Grandma! I partly contribute our binge eating to my childhood chunkiness...ha ha. I loved the mornings when you would fix a big mess of biscuits and gravy. You always complained that it was too something (runny, clumpy, salty, etc.)...I'm sorry though, that I missed the batch made with sour milk (oh yes, I heard about that!). I know I'm not the only one that misses your cooking or vibeacious eating habits. We  could all count on Grandma Jessie having something to eat. Oh, and how about a glass of nutra-sweet kool aid? Am I right or am I right. Love it!

You loved me so very much...I know this. You were filled with much love...most of all for the Lord. I feel better about you being gone when I think about you entering Heaven's gates. I can hear God saying, "Hi "Doll". Welcome. Please come in." It brings me to tears. I can picture your face beaming as you stood before the Lord after all of your Earthly years working for and praising Him. I'm jealous of you. You are just where I hope to be someday...of course not for many years...I have some living yet to do.

My family has grown since you left. They are amazing, Grandma. The girls are getting so big. Unfortunately you never got the chance to meet Audrey. Did you know as I sobbed at your bedside, pleading for you to open your eyes and look at me, that I was becoming a mother again? I didn't, but when I found out a week later I thought to myself, "This baby is a gift for Grandma's absence." It's true. New life does occur when another is lost. You would love Audrey. She has so much personality and she looks just like her big sisters. I am so proud of them. Robert, of course, is too. He's a great Dad. You always told me I was very lucky to have found such a good man. I agree...on most days...haha. I'll never forget when Papa Billy kept calling Lillie "cute little feller" when she was born (gosh how the Alzheimer's already had him) and you kept barking at him, "Bill, she's a girl!" and he would go "Oh, yeah?". He kept doing it until Robert plopped her on the kitchen table to change her diaper and low and behold...he saw she was not a boy! We all laughed so hard when he hollered out, "Well, that's a girl!"

All of these memories being relived have me a mess inside and out. My heart is aching to see you again. You come in my dreams alot...funny how you always act very silly. Others in the family say the same thing. Oh, your humor. I know you are enjoying the company of those who went before you. I can only imagine what it was like to be reunited with your parents, siblings, Grandpa Don, Papa Billy, and Uncle John. Have you seen my Aunt Connie? Does she mention me and my family? I'm glad to know there are so many wonderful souls waiting for me when my time comes. Lillie talks alot about Heaven and dying...all because she is learning Bible verses and usually asks why Jesus died. You can guess where the conversation always leads...death. It always ends with Lillie getting sad and saying, "I don't want to die and go to Heaven. I want to stay at home with you." It breaks my heart, but I assure her that with all hope, I'll be there already and that Heaven is the best place you could ever visit. A funny story is when she asked if her friend Avrie would be there too! I told her yes, but hopefully not for a long time. Lillie wanted to know if they could play freeze tag there. I said "yes!" She was thrilled. She even said, "Jesus will play freeze tag with us too!" Her innocence melts my heart.

Grandma, I love you. I miss you everyday. When I start to get sad, I just picture your face looking at your Savior's face. I know you are where you truly want to be. I am content with that. My heart hurts often, but your good Lord has granted me lovely souls to keep me going here on Earth...my family. Please keep watching over us, as I know you do. Let me know every now and then that you are around...I won't be scared. I need reassurance sometimes. You'll continue hearing from me in the mornings when I'm on the deck with my coffee. I love those chats. Enjoy being with those you lost long ago. Until we are together again...

All my love sent to you,
Brooke

PS...I sure hope they have garage sales for you to hit up in Heaven! Probably not. Why would you have any junk to get rid of when you have everything you could ever want/need?!?! I guess you wouldn't desire garage saleing then, either. What a shame...you were the best garage sale junkie I'll ever know!